REALITY CHECK SHARI.
it's wierd to say, but i'm in denile. i never really realized that at this moment, right now, i should be working on what i am going to become when being an adult. No longer can i just fck around and do whatever i want. i have to NEED TO get things straight and actually work hard for something that i may do for the rest of my life.
when am i suppose to be a delinquent, when can i be selfish, when can i be carefree & naive.
NEVER
i know i can do it now, but being me, i feel the responsibility of finishing school. && of course BEING ME in high school i wasn't allowed out, to do anything, to have fun. because i'm a girl & i've got strict ass parents. They even brainwashed me to think that i can go out only once a day & when i go home, to stay home. They got me feeling guilty for being out late when i shouldn't be feeling anything at all but happiness. They have me grounding myself because to me, i can't be out late for two consecutive days. They have never told me this for the past year or two, but i am so use to it. & it's hard to break a habit. For all my life, i've done things they way they wanted to , applied to ONE high school & applied to ONE college, so i think its about time, i starts doing things for me.
& what makes it worst it that i have a boyfriend who basically was able to do whatever the fck he wanted since middle school. while he was out at parties in 7th grade i was probly in bed by nine. When he was out fooling around in high school, i was at home doing projects and papers. I'm not saying that he's a party boy and did bad in school. In fact he did very well in school. TOO well if it were up to me. always the favorite student, always the GO TO boy. so to me, we grew up dramatically different, he's been exposed to the world & i'm barely getting out there. so i find myself becoming jealous of what he has exprienced because i see what he's experienced through his words, & i still don't know how half of those things are like.
what am i to do , what to do, i'm ranting and ranting
i want a vacation, i need something
i want to be able to not give a fck like some people
ditch class whenever i please, not go home for a couple of days.
just live life the way i always wanted to experience it.
spend my days carefree
i just hope i'm not too late, to not let my youth wash away && do things before it's too late....
p.s i do not know how the fck to change my profile, or my blog settings or shit.
